i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I touched a dick in church today
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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