one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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