no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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