I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
