i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
