She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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