the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
