PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
