If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
