the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
