I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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