i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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