just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
