I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
