Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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