We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
