did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
