I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
