your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I faked an abortion last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
