the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
