omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
