Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
