I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
