Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
