Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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