I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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