Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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