Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
