No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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