but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
