I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
