He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
