She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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