Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
