His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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