I'm sorry my penis didn't work
id be glad to
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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