You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
