On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
