apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
