I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
