omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
