if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
