Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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