party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
