How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
