When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
