Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
