Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
