Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
