Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
false alarm. still invincible.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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