Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
