i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
