In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
