For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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